Withirdeye

jadedat25 @ 07:28 pm: ELEKTROSCHOCK
( 7-18-09 )

theetinygoat @ 04:18 am: ok so.
went on impromptu sort of date hanging out type thing with coworker i may or may not like. informed him via text that we were going to drink beer at some point. apparently that point was immediately.


the good news: he likes me.
the bad news: i threw up in his car.



i make no bones about my being a lightweight. however, i am not THAT much of a lightweight. im chalking it up to dehydration, cause i was seriously ill waaaaaaaay before i should have been. politely declining his offer to drive me home, i passed out in my car and woke up feeling just fine about half an hour ago. am now home and am not looking forward to 7am.



i sure do know how to make a good impression.

theetinygoat @ 07:05 pm: Interview today. Went very well, but I will likely not take it. Shitty law, part time, godawful commute. It means that I'm wearing pantyhose. And heels. In a nutshell it's making me walk like a vary inexperienced drag queen.


Work flirt update: had dream in which we sucked face. He was bad at it and then wouldn't let me sing in the band.
May or may not mention it while were counting my till.

theetinygoat @ 11:36 pm: is watching a thing on tlc called "the 650 lb virgin".


i dont feel so bad now.






also, i'm oddly amused that my exclamation of "hello friend!" has become universally talked about. seriously. chris o's new lady friend was thrilled that she got to hear it in person. apparently its my new catch phrase or something. shrug.

theetinygoat @ 12:00 am: i dont like my horoscope for this week.


july 13-19: You've got your own version of what's fair and what works best in a personal matter. You have strong views and are rather stubborn on Monday. Others might make the dimbulb mistake of rattling their sabers at you, but you'll either ignore them or slam the door in their collective smashed face. And besides: they really don't want to hear what you think. You don't like the way things are going down early this week. The good news is that a personal or family issue begins to show signs of improvement right around midweek. You may never quite forget another's misbehavior or hurtful words, but will be able to find forgiveness. Trust, however, may not come back very easily. You make up your mind to never be put in such a claustrophobic no-win situation again.

theetinygoat @ 07:08 pm: ok get freudian on my dream. I'm sure there was more to it but this is what I remember. We were around some sort of moat which was full of many kinds of fish. Were talking teeming with fish. Of course I'm all I wanna go fishing! So I tie a string to a stick and toss it in. Almost immediately I get something. Something heavy. I give a mighty tug and up comes a shark. Sort of like a bull shark but only maybe two feet long. Everyone around me gets excited and is gathered around, but I've started to feel guilty. I pull on the line hoping it will break. It doesn't and my poor shark flops on to land. I try to unhook him to throw him back but someone gets to him first. We then tug of war with the shark, the crowd screaming about killing him and me sobbing hysterically to set him free. They win and carry him off. I lay on the ground by the moat and cry because I couldn't save him.

Later in the dream I was in some sort of nightmare bridal shop looking for formal wear as I had forgotten that I was going to a fancy party. But I don't think that's related.

theetinygoat @ 10:12 pm: having just done a reading for someone, and being pleased with the result, i did one for myself.

i didnt do a real spread, just one card for each thing that im thinking about. im not as happy with this one, but we'll see.


job stuff: wheel of fortune. opportunity, dealing with things being good and things being bad. things always get better. sometimes the wheel is up, sometimes its down. thats life.

general good times: six of wands. rewards and recognition. my inner drama queen likes this. i done good, and now people will tell me. neat.

relationships/lovey dovey shit: queen of pentacles reversed. wtf? not recognizing what you have, being unwilling to take opportunities that are there. um, does someone want to run off and have adventures with me and i dont know about it? that would be kind of neat but has potential for awkwardness and my making people sad. i hope its adventures.

personal development stuff: page of cups reversed. being insecure and withdrawn. im working on it though, and have gotten tremendously better. in fact, i think it might behoove me to be a little more withdrawn sometimes. and im not really insecure, i just only open my mouth when i am. when i'm confident, i keep it a little quieter. i'll toot my own horn more often.

overall stuff to know:  i drew two. two of wands reversed. being indecisive and asking for advice that i dont listen to. this is true. interesting thing to work on.
ace of wands reversed.stagnation. stagnation is my second biggest fear.


so it looks like i have to work on some stuff so that things go well. duh. someone find something a little more uplifting in there for me. :)

theetinygoat @ 01:12 pm:

 

While talking with a friend of mine yesterday, we were discussing how long its been since we’ve known each other, and what weve been up to in the meantime. Its been almost ten years…. Ive done a lot, in theory. Ive seen a bit of the world, ive lived in lots of places, I can kill a man with my bare hands, ive got 2 BA’s. more than many people do in a lifetime, and it should be enough.  But it isn’t.

So to tie it in with my last post, I need more experiences. I need them the way I need to breathe and eat. I need them to live. My ongoing frustrations is a result of my life currently not being conducive to adventure. Don’t get me wrong—im grateful to be employed, but working 70+ hours a week doesn’t leave one with enough time or energy to do much of anything. I don’t have any new stories to tell, and hence I feel boring.

In a fucked up way, im almost jealous of my several friends who are being forced to do new things. Im a big fan of a clean slate and boundless opportunity.

So how to channel this renewed vigor for newness? I’ll have to figure something out, or I will very shortly become unbearable. Any suggestions?

theetinygoat @ 12:09 am:  ok, so ive been thinking a lot.  i know that im the  most helpful when i'm not trying to be helpful. when im trying, im fucking irritating. this is not news. the reasons i turn annoying are selfish; i need to prove my own worth, for starters.


but that simply wont do. im not going to try to help. i'll just fiddle about and be awesome.


it seems like entirely too many people i know have been ending various relationships. this also makes me think.  i was reading an astrology book at work, cause thats what i do, and it summed up my feelings on such things rather nicely:
"saggitarius natives have an above average craving for freedom, and this is because they want to explore the world--outer and inner--in order to understand the meaning of life. freedom is, in many ways, the antithesis of partnership. they need to be completely immersed in the experience of life. saggitarius wants to understand the meaning of life, and the spiritual literature seems to agree that the meaning of life has something to do with love;  so the centaur knows that the journey into the heart is one she must make."


this fits in perfectly with the bird and the dragon ive been going on about. they're in my spirit art, and they are not friends. the bird represents my retarded need for freedom, and the dragon is for my controlling streak. they fight. we don't know who is going to win. and there is my psyche in a nutshell.

so yeah. universe, send me a nice boy who can keep up with me, cause we're going to have adventures and i want to learn more stuff.




in other news, i was waaay to excited to find a ipod touch app that will teach me to play chess. watch it everyone! 
i hope to do more job hunting tomorrow. perhaps there will be success.

theetinygoat @ 11:36 am: im frustrated with myself.

i need to find something interesting to do to keep my mind off not being useful.

takhisis @ 07:55 pm: Prepare to meet your frosty, carbonated doom, LeChuck!
( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

theetinygoat @ 08:21 pm: i need.....something. i am bored. in general.

even worse, i think i feel like i'm boring.


when i get bored i tend to talk too much. and think too much. its a waste of energy really.  pretty much, when im bored i irritate the hell out of everyone around me. :)



i am quite ready for another adventure.

takhisis @ 09:54 pm: Fleeee!
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jadedat25 @ 05:34 pm: is anyone out there?
testing... testing...

i need to use the good ol' LJ more often. i miss it, but i seem to never have time for long entries that mean anything, and after a while it seems silly to ramble about what i did 2 weeks ago. ah well.

the project for tonight: killing the aphids that are apparently infesting my cilantro plant. ew. allegedly i can spray them with a soap solution that will suffocate them, but i don't want those bastards hopping onto my other, healthy plants! we'll see how that goes, i stopped and got a little spray bottle on my way home just for the job.

holiday weekend was quite fun, lots of relaxing and lots of seeing people. went to a "baby birthday" yesterday which was really just an excuse for people to get together and grill (because what 1 year old really cares about a party?). but it was fun, got to see a good group of peeps from the old neighborhood where i grew up. they are all married and/or have kids, so it's kinda weird, but i'm doing just fine thank you very much. and mrs. kerry is still the best damn cook ever, i loaded up on the potato salad because it will be a while again until i can have more of her "secret recipe..." that she did share with me - while it was good, i can't exactly replicate it.

today, back to the grind. my desk is piled high with all the catholic school handbooks there are at the moment, bleh. nuns are mean, too. so i'll be quite occupied with that nonsense for the next few months. i guess that's good though, i'll get some overtime. i need to just get a new job though. damn my sense of loyalty/guilt....

eh, off to kill aphids.