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03:27 am: Liquid Clarity
Well, the front passenger side tire is changed. Thank you mister Matt Howard! It had a slow leak that was manageable by giving it air on a somewhat weekly basis, but it was (obviously) worse this time. Because it's me, I'll go ahead and take this as a metaphor for some aspect of my life. I need to stop trying to fix what's broken and just switch it out for something better. As it turned out, we used an old tire I had kept as a spare. Which, of course, means that I already have what I need to fix my life. I just need to use it. I may not have a spare now, but I can worry about that later. I'll just do what I do without a net or some other safety device. Hell, I don't have health insurance. So, why not!

At least, I'm realizing my own reality. It's kind of like waking from a dream. Things are finally coming into focus and I'm realizing exactly where I am. I'm taking my frustration with a grain of salt. I mean, I won't be complaining as much unless I actually intend to do something about it.

I'm living on a broken disc. My life has played out the same way for ten or so years, because I haven't made any real effort to change it. It's by no means static. Things have changed quite a bit, but not by my power. And I do need to develop my power and take some control. I know what I can't control, but I also know that I should be able to control myself (in so many ways)! Plus, I'm getting tired of writing about the same thing on LJ. It's pretty much why I don't update regularly. I don't really have much else to say.

I feel, at different times, sad, pathetic, boring, or some combination of the three. Who wants to feel that way? Not I. I just need to find a way to stay motivated and get over the times I feel depressed. It's a bloody vicious circle, and that's not the kind of circle I like!

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