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10:14 pm: It's On Speaker, While I Wait
To quote Whedon's mutant, "Grr, argh!" I am so sick and tired of being stuck. I've been unemployed since April twenty-third, now. I've had multiple interviews, but no-one wants to hire me. I know how bad my employment history looks, and I know I didn't shine in some of the interviews, but they weren't all bad and I'm sure it's clear that I want to succeed. I just don't get it. And as if that isn't frustrating enough, I've also been especially longing for companionship as of late. It's hard enough to find someone who really "gets me" even a little. Hell, my best friend has trouble understanding my behavior, motivations, and thought processes sometimes. I keep getting thrown for a loop. As soon as it looks like things are going relatively well, it just stops. I don't know how to deal with irregular communication. I have issues with the flow abruptly stopping. This has happened with several friends of mine. I'm beginning to feel like I'm not good enough for anything, when I know that's not true. I just need to be given the chance, but I don't think people have the courage to gamble that way. I mean, you have to take risks in life. Sure, they won't always pay off. But playing it safe or close to the vest all the time isn't going to gain you much. I should know, as I haven't taken enough risks in the past. For a long time, I was full of debilitating self-doubt and depression. I didn't like it, so I stopped. It took me a while, but I had to remember who I was and realize how important I am to myself. I won't let other people dictate that to me again. They just need to give me the opportunity to earn their trust. My life's been on hold for a while, but I refuse to hang up. I'll just keep waiting, until somebody answers!

Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
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